Friendly dating.

My birthday was a few weeks ago and I was feeling really down, because it started to hit me that I really don't know anyone in Arizona. Around that time, D told me there's a guy he works with - Paul* - whose wife is (supposedly) in the same situation as me, looking to make friends out here, and thought we might like to meet.

I asked D all the normal questions you'd ask when someone is trying to set you up with another person, like, "Have you met her? Does she look normal?" He didn't say much more than, "Yes" and "I don't know, okay?" 

I'd made an immediate resolve then and there that I was going to exhaust all outlets to finding my new best friend, so I told him to get her number for me.

A few days went by and I still had no number. If I have learned anything in life, persistence pays off and I am anything but lacking in that department. I nagged D about it and he promised me that he would talk to Paul. The next day I had Paul's wife, Carrie's, number.

I decided to call Carrie. 

Allow me to pause for a moment and ask you something - Do you have any idea how hard it is to make friends as an adult - especially when you've moved clear across the country, work far away from where you live, have all Mormons for neighbors, and practice the "don't be friends with people you work with rule"? It's almost impossible. It's not the same as being the 5 year old version of yourself, where it's no big deal to approach a complete stranger and ask them to play with you. Second of all, it's like dating, because you don't want to waste time getting to know someone you don't even really want to be friends with.

So I called, introduced myself, and went on a tangent citing all of the things I just mentioned above* - how hard it is to make friends, how I am almost to the point of posting an ad on Craigslist I am that desperate, and on and on and on. She agreed to have a "play date" with me, and when I suggested meeting that weekend, she told me that she had plans to be out of town. I suggested the following weekend, and she chuckled and told me she had plans that weekend, too. I thought to myself, "I have to believe she's serious, but maybe she's brushing me off? Is this the sort of rejection that guys experience when asking a girl out on a date? Oh my gah, I am so glad I am not a man..." I told her she could get back to me and let me know when she's available, and that I was perfectly fine with her being honest and telling me I wasn't the ideal BFF candidate for her. 

I got off the phone and stared at the wall for a minute. Am I this socially awkward in real life? 

D got home a little later that evening, and I excitedly told him I'd called Carrie. He asked me how it went. My response: "I don't know, I think I may have come on a little too strong." 

Two days passed, and I still hadn't heard from her. Part distraction, part strategy, I decided I would try a couple more tactics to throw myself out into the BFF dating pool by signing up for a boot camp (because why miss a chance to get in a lil' workout?), and MeetUp.com. 

Four more days passed, and we're at Monday. I'd told my parents, my best friend Brittney (who by the way, I almost threw up from laughing so hard telling her this story), and pretty much everyone I work with. They were all on pins and needles wondering if Carrie would ever get back to me. And as the chaos of any Monday morning would have it, she texted me, asking if I would be able to meet later that week for dinner.

I ran halfway across the office to tell some of my at work pals in sales, because I was so excited. One of them tried to offer me some practical dating advice, telling me that I should wait a little while to respond because I shouldn't come off as being too eager - but it was too late. I had a blind friend date scheduled for later that week!

Then reality settled in. This is exactly like a blind date.

What if she doesn't like me?

What if I don't like her?

What if she has a unibrow?

And wears bad shoes?

What if she latches on like a parasite to a host?

I got so nervous I immediately started sweating from the stress. D could've set me up with a homeless person for all I know. A homeless person with a cellphone. And that was a real possibility because his joy in life comes from playing pranks on me.

The day of my blind date finally arrived and I was, fortunately, so busy at work that day that I didn't have much time at all to think about anything else. I did pause around 2PM and decided it would be a good idea to confirm our date. 

As the next two hours passed with no response, I started to believe that maybe I was going to be stood up. But she got back to me.

I'd ran home after work to tend to the animals and freshen up a little bit, and arrived at the restaurant about 5 minutes ahead of her. I wasn't as nervous as I probably would be had I been meeting a man with some romantic expectations, and shortly after, Carrie arrived. She was this little petite thing, very pretty, and when she came in the door, she immediately stuck her hand out to shake mine. I had a silent dialog with myself over that, because clearly it wasn't inappropriate for her to do that, but in my world, I only shake hands with people when there's some sort of important business introduction or transaction involved. Not even the people I pay to make and serve me dinner or clean my house from time to time get a handshake or hug from me, but I digress.

I don't recall all of the specifics from our conversation that evening, but I do remember a few highlights. One of them occurred within the first few minutes of being at the table when Carrie told me her side of the story - where her husband Paul came home and mentioned me as a potential friend candidate. She had told him that she could make her own friends and didn't need to be set up with anyone. That stung a little because it's the equivalent to a pity date, and no one wants to be in that situation, but I'm fairly certain she told me that with no intention of offending me. At least that's what I will keep telling myself.

The rest of the date was fine - we had plenty to talk about, and as we were settling our bills we got on the subject of our favorite reality TV shows. I figured that we'd had a decent enough time at dinner that it was a perfect opportunity for an awkward moment (cause I'm so good at it), that I began to reference Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker. Patti says that if you're enjoying your date and like the person enough to see them again, you should ask them for a second date while still on your first date. And that's exactly what I did.

Without skipping a beat, Carrie says to me, "Sure, we can get together sometime." 

As someone who has dated before, and who is in a relationship with a very sweet but strong-willed man, I know what "sometime" means. It means, "sometime in my lifetime". And if she actually felt that way, that's okay. 

But you know what? I'll take it. And in the mean time, I'll keep looking for my soul sister.

*Names have been changed.

**In real life, I think I am the worst storyteller ever. Most times, I re-live every detail in my mind as I'm sharing, wasting so much effort of little details that don't even matter that by the time I get to the point, everyone's eyes are glazed over and the point of the story isn't even interesting.